A Girl Who's Tired of Being Bound.
My name is Alyssa, and this is the story of my battle with anxiety. I was very hesitant to write this, to express what has been going on in the deepest parts of my mind, but here we go.
For the past three months, I have been battling intense anxiety. What do I mean by intense? Going to the grocery store is hard, public places is hard, hanging with friends has been hard. It has been absolutely debilitating and I just keep thinking to myself…
How did I get here….
Growing up I was so courageous. There was not one thing that I was afraid of. I looked fear in the eyes and slapped it in the face. I walked with confidence, grace, happily into the unknown. 10 year old Alyssa would have gone to places she never heard of and was so excited to do whatever whenever. Spontaneous and brave and strong.
22 year old Alyssa has been cautious, afraid, SUPER sweaty, overly planning everything, reserved, and introverted. It’s like I don’t even recognize myself. I have had my fair battles with health issues, in fact I am in one right now and I’ve let that control me. I found myself drowning in the face of fear. Drowning in the waves I am supposed to be riding. Moving to Dallas was NOT the easiest thing I have done. I don’t have a job besides freelancing, I don’t have many friends here, and to be honest I don’t know what I am doing as a wife 90% of the time.
All this to say, this has been a very dark dark time. But I still have hope. I have hope for healing. I have hope for redemption, for friends, for peace. But how??
Honey trust me, I have thought about every option from medication, exercising, to smothering my body in essential oils. Though those work and everything I still got to a point where I felt like I couldn’t come back from. I was so anxious I would shake violently, feel sick all the time. But I only find true peace in Jesus and I mean it.
I cried out on my knees to the Lord and still do. Every anxious thought I combat with His word. If I can’t think straight, I just say the name, Jesus. When I feel myself falling a part, I call my family or my friends and talk to them. I put worship music on everyday in the morning even if I am tired. I put music on when I wake up and praise Him.
You have probably heard people say stuff like this all the time. When my family started encouraging me to do this, I thought it wasn’t going to help. You know what, it does. Because you are fighting a battle that you can’t see that’s why! You are praying and worshiping that you will have the victory over this TERRIBLE and EXHAUSTING CYCLE.
It’s time we put our foot down. I don’t know about you but I am tired of being bound. I AM READY to be victorious! Aren’t you? Aren’t you ready to be like how you were as a child( but not as dumb lol)? BRAVE, STRONG, SPONTANEOUS? Eager to make new friends and eager to trust the Lord into the unknown? It’s time to say NO to the spirit of fear and anxiety and YES to Jesus.
Let me know how I can pray for you, support you and let’s encourage one another. I have so much more to share! This is the first post so let’s say yes Jesus you got this!