A Girl Who's Fighting.

So, we all know the feeling of anxiety. I don’t want to get too into symptoms and how it feels because let’s be real that will make me get them/make us people that have fought it uncomfortable because it’s poopy and brings us back. One day, I will be able to talk about it and laugh. For now, I want to encourage you by telling you a story of the time I got a panic attack in church. So, when I talk about my panic attacks for now, I’ll code it as- spaghetti squash. Why? No idea. First thing I thought of.


A couple weekends ago, my husband Breckan, and I decided to go to a new church. I was already feeling kinda spaghetti, ya know? New places, new people, new potential friends. Welp. During worship, I had a spaghetti squash. That’s right a big one that caused me to run out of the church and to my car. Upon walking to the car, a man on the parking team drove past me. First of all, he was not sketchy, so don’t freak out. He just said, “ hey, you have a great week” with tears coming down my face- I said “ uh okay thank you”. I got to the car. Put my hands on the wheel and screamed and cried out to the Lord and literally bawled so hard, I got acid reflux, I am pretty sure.

I kept crying in the car. Then the man from the parking team, let’s name him Henry, knocked on my window and said…

Hi, can I pray for you? You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong. I just really need to pray for you.

I rolled the window down completely and let Henry pray for me. Henry prayed for me in a way that I literally felt like Jesus was talking straight to me. Henry told me he had gone all the way back into church and started drinking his coffee when the Lord said “ Go back, that woman needs to hear from me”. Little did Henry know, as I cried out to Jesus, I said dramatically “Father just send me an angel to comfort me, send me someone! I need help these spaghetti squashes are too much for me to handle'“ ( and y’all tbh legit spaghetti sauce is too much to handle with too much red sauce). Anyways, Henry said stuff like, “God wants to do something NEW”, “he wants you to know he loves you”, “don’t leave church early bc you could have been ONE praise away from your breakthrough”.

What if we are ONE praise away from our breakthrough? What if we are getting ready for something new? Our spirit knows it, our heart knows it and our body doesn’t know what to do LOL. So praise. PRAISE y’all praise like that is the ONE thing you know to do. More than you know how to eat or drink. PRAISE. PRAISE. PRAISE. As I am writing this down, I am haunted by the feelings I had. Literally so torn a part and I don’t want to go back there. I want to PRAISE God for the victory I know I will have.

You can’t tell me God wasn’t with me that day. You can’t! Because God LITERALLY orchestrated people strangers to help me. That’s how much he cares. Also, I went back into the church at the end and guess what, a counselor/therapist prayed for me. The guy I decided to approach for prayer was a certified counselor and prayed and helped me work through my feelings. You can’t tell me God doesn’t know what He’s doing. You can’t. Because the evidence for us y’all is literally all around us.

So, let’s focus on this verse and meditate on it tonight fam because God is in the DETAILS!

Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Saying yes to Jesus one day at a time.